I didn’t choose to stay home with the twins because I wanted to live a particular lifestyle. I’m home with them because my career as a writer is flexible enough to fit around the twins — and for that I consider myself very lucky indeed. When I was a teacher I heard other mothers sigh that their whole salary went to child care. It was worth it for them because they were pursuing tenure, needed the extra money (whatever was left after paying for child care) and/or loved teaching and considered it a significant part of their identity. When I thought about returning to teaching I did the math and came to the same conclusion — financially it was a wash.

New Domesticity seems attractive in some ways, dangerous in others, and simply unrealistic for many. I’m still in the middle of the book — and in my thinking about it — but one message keeps coming through loud and clear: the workplace needs to make far more of an effort to make a work/life balance possible for parents of both sexes. That would make the choice to stay home or the choice to work more of an actual choice and not the only possible option.

If you and others have the economical means to a be stay-at-home parent, I am in awe. Many do not and our society seems to begrudge such support. So much for the rhetoric on family values we hear from our politicians (pick any party).

I work with single parents and couples who struggle with the enormous expense of child care. I try to find them assistance. I’ll tell you this, it is very hard. For you with twins, it will be doubly hard. There is no volume discount.

Family / work balance — a late pickup from child care is measured in dollars/minute. If you’re frequently late, you’ll probably get booted from the program. Employers demand over time these days.

The new domesticity is wonderful if you can afford it. I would love it.

To the ‘Joan Skiscim’ comment, I’ll make a guess: Your 15yo never had any children and has never had to change diapers.

I’m glad you’ve done/are doing what you want to be doing. That’s what I wish for all women. But as I said in my comment to Richard, I want women to have a real choice and not feel like they have to stay home because they find their work environment cannot give them anything even close to the work/life balance they want (through maternity leave, affordable childcare, sick time for themselves or their children). The book — Homeward Bound — is really bringing up interesting questions for me and make me look at domesticity in a whole new way. I have a lot more reading and thinking to do, but I’m sure I’ll be writing more about these issues in one form or another.

Thanks again for reading — and writing back to — my thoughts!

I’ve heard about The Pioneer Woman, but only after her huge success. I wish I had read her from the start — to see what she thought and felt and did at the very beginning of her transformation “from black heels to tractor wheels.” But her blog is most certainly curated to show the version of her life that she wants to show. And that’s OK — as a writer of creative nonfiction I also get to decide how much of my life I want to reveal and how I want to portray it — but it’s also a little dangerous in that her projected image may lure readers into thinking that her life is an easily achievable truth (and one they can “buy” through a cookbook).

I’m not quite halfway through Homeward Bound but am having all kinds of conflicting reactions to it — glad to see people wanting to be more self-sufficient and responsible, but deeply concerned about how this might effect our culture’s attitudes towards women in the long-term future (especially when so many women in the book claim that staying at home is “natural” and “biological” and “THE BEST”; it may feel that way to some, but not to all). I want women to choose how they want to live (corporate jocks, DIY mommies, somewhere in between) but I want them to have an actual choice and not feel like staying at home is their only option (because they can’t afford childcare, because they can’t take a long enough maternity leave, because they can’t get time off to care for sick children, because they can’t get a job in the first place, etc.).

This comment is getting awfully long because there’s so much to say on the subject! I’ll stop for now. And keep reading and thinking …

Yes, yes and yes! I have felt that exact feeling and never been able to articulate it. I am also a mother, and a blogger, but do not see myself as a ‘mommy blogger’. In the same vain, I am a mother and am very young, but don’t feel like a ‘young mom’. It is fascinating to grow older and realize that people are multi-facted and not the one-dimensional demographics that the news would have you believe.

And lastly, I had no idea that’s what ‘Dinner, a Love Story’ was about! Now I want to read it more than ever. I just picked up Gwenyth’s new cook and despite what you may think about her, it’s pretty good!

Always nice to drop in and read your posts!

Keep up the good work!!!!!!

Love Joan (happy MIL (mother in-law)